I saw a bit o’ sun! Bit o’ sun. Bitter son.

Bitter son. Bitter son who turns against his father. His father. He has a father…doesn’t he?

But bit o’ sun isn’t like that. I saw it, the bit o’ sun that peeked through the clouds. It’s cloudy. It’s always cloudy here. Cloudy and not rainy, no, never rain. No, nay, never!

No, NAY, never!

Coward One in the next cell didn’t say nay, didn’t say never. Coward.

Cow herd. A most inglorious profession…yes, quite right for Coward One. But Coward One isn’t there to shriek anymore. Coward One’s gone back to places where they can feel the rain. They said.

Gone back.

Feel a bit o’ rain. I’d like that. But no, nay, NEVER!

Bit o’ rain. Bit o’ sun. Bitter son. I don’t like that, I never did. Never. Never was me.

Nurse use to use that phrase. That phrase bit o’. Bit o’…o’…o’ …o’ salve. Pretty nurse healer, what’s-her-name? Could remember. Can’t.

I always liked that phrase. Bit o’. Bit o’ salve. Salve. Could use some. I could use some. Bit o’ salve. Salve. Salivate. Isn’t that a word?

Salivate.

Salivate. Isn’t that a word? I don’t use it any more. They do. They can.

I did, I think…No, not that. I know.

Bit o’ sun. I should tell Cocky One in the next one over. Cocky. Cocky, I remember that word. Cocky One’s just started saying nay, never. No. Cocky One’ll learn to be Creepy One like me. Cocky One must learn. They’ll soon learn him.

But do I want him to? Do I? Did I? Does I?

It’s dirtier in here than in there. Cocky One came after me, and I’m still saying no, nay, never.

Heard that phrase somewhere. It’s mine now. My, mine, me. Naught can take it from me.

Naught.

Bit o’ sun. Bitter son. Naught shall harm me, and I shall harm none. Father said it with me. Naught. A church word. Church. Naught shall I harm.

But then bitter son goes and signs up to harm. No, not bitter son. I am not a bitter son.   They harm others, and they harm me…

Awful cold here, though. Damp too, mossy…or moldy. Moldy bread too. Isn’t there bread? Wasn’t there bread? Will there be…

No, I don’t like to think like that. Thinking forward, thinking backward, no, think now. Think now, think no, nay, never. Think only now.

Mad. That’s what the other ones say I am. That’s what the other one’s told Cocky One when he came, and Sneezy One, but he faded fast, and Coward One thought I was too, and told them I couldn’t say anything. I’m mad.

But why do the other one’s say? The other one’s say I count the bars of the little window continuously. No, not the bit o’ sun one; the door one. One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three. The other ones say I count them out loud, over and again.

I do, yes, maybe. I do. The other ones say I laugh when there shouldn’t be any laughing, when they’re shouting and hitting.

It isn’t nice hit. Thou shalt harm none. Harm none. Harmnonica. Harmonica. I once could play. I think…no, not that…I know.

And maybe, yes, maybe, no, yes, I am mad. Mad as a hatter. I lost my hat when they took me here. I miss it. Mad, mad, mad.

Matt.

Matthew is my name. Matthew was my name. Is, was, and shalt be…again? Matthew. Matthew is mad.

But Matthew, me, keeps on saying no. No, nay, never. No, nay. NEVER. Matt keeps on saying it: no.

And Matthew keeps on saying it, and they can’t laugh about that, even if I do.

I can, I will.

No, nay, never.

No.

Matthew can say it in his head, he can say it outside.

Outside, where the bit o’ sun is. Bit o’ sun. Bitter son.

Bitter son. Bitter son who turns against his father. His father. He has a father…doesn’t he?

But bit o’ sun isn’t like that…

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